Inner Critic- Take a Vacation!

How would you describe your inner critic? Common descriptions include: angry, hostile, disparaging, unkind, obnoxious, loud, nonstop, or a bully. Many of us can’t remember a time in our lives when we didn’t hear our inner critic pointing out our mistakes, our shortcomings, and judging every decision we make/thing we say. Criticism is demoralizing and keeps us from real growth and healing. Rather than providing us with motivation to learn and grow, criticism causes us to fight, fly, or freeze. We may feel angry about self-criticism, punish ourselves, or rebel (fight). We may attempt to escape the negative feelings resulting from self-criticism through distraction or avoidance (fly). The last option is that we can’t do anything, so we do nothing (freeze).

Some people give their inner critic a name so they’re able to notice when judgmental or critical thoughts arise (I named mine Agnes during my recovery). When critical thoughts arise, you can say “oh, there’s Agnes (or any name you like) again!” and then get curious about what was really going on (e.g., feeling out of control, feeling anxious, feeling scared). Our inner critic is serving a purpose like protecting us or distracting us from emotions that we don’t know what to do with. We can be grateful that our inner critic was trying to protect us and practice being kinder to ourselves. Coping mechanisms that we developed along the way may no longer serve us in the present. Being able to notice and identify self-critical thoughts is an important step toward lessening your inner critic’s control over you. Noticing and naming helps us separate ourselves from our thoughts. Then, we are able to take some action (e.g., notice the thought and let it go, respond back to the thought, etc.).

You can tell your inner critic to be quiet, give it a time out, or send it on an extended vacation!! I recently went on vacation and Agnes was not invited. Quieting my inner critic on vacation allowed me to be in the moment, enjoy my surroundings, and connect with my husband. Maybe this summer consider sending your inner critic on a vacation and see what happens!!

Nurture Notes- June 19, 2019