Buckets of Sand: A Metaphor for Personal Capacity in Eating Disorder Recovery
Photo by Heather McKean (@hgmckean) via Unsplash
The eating disorder recovery process requires a great deal of emotional, mental, and physical energy.
Experimentation and change take energy.
Reframing thoughts and challenging fixed mindsets take energy.
Preparing, plating, and eating food takes energy.
Sometimes you will have more capacity to take steps in recovery than other times. Capacity refers to how much physical, mental, and emotional energy you have available to do things. This could mean everything from day-to-day chores, to completing school assignments, to taking steps in recovery, among many other things.
In this blog post I’ll outline a basic guide on levels of capacity in eating disorder recovery along with tips to help you navigate these levels.
Levels of Capacity
If you're wondering what level of capacity you might be at today, here's a quick guide. Sometimes the analogy of a bucket is used to describe capacity. I like this analogy (especially thinking about a bucket of sand on the beach), so we'll use it here:
Level 1: The Near-Empty Sand Bucket- At this level, your state of being can be described as comfortable, relaxed, and at ease. Using our analogy, your bucket is nearly empty of sand. This means that you have “room” or capacity to do things because the bucket is “light” right now. At this level, your capacity for experimentation/taking steps is high.
Level 2: Some Sand in Your Bucket- At this level, you may feel that you have slightly less capacity than if you were in a more relaxed state, but doing things still is workable and possible. Using our analogy, your bucket is starting to fill with sand. This means that your bucket is starting to get heavier, yet you still have some capacity for taking steps and experimenting (with direction or support).
Level 3: The Half-Full Bucket- At this level, you may feel that your capacity is being stretched or pulled, much like a rubber band that’s about to snap. In our analogy, your bucket is half full of sand. Your bucket is getting heavier and your capacity for taking steps feels much more difficult without direction or support.
Level 4: The Full Bucket- At this level, your state of being can be described as overwhelmed or flooded. Using our analogy, your bucket is full of sand and your capacity for experimentation or taking steps right now is difficult or non-existent (especially without support).
Level 5: The Overflowing Bucket- At this level, your bucket is full and overflowing with sand. Your state of being can be described as shutdown, “done”, dissociated. Given your current state, there is no capacity for any changes, experimentation, or movement right now.
Navigating Levels of Capacity
The first step is awareness and identification of where you’re at in the moment. Below, I’ve included some tips for navigating your level of capacity, starting with tips to navigate minimal to non-existent capacity.
Tips for when you feel overwhelmed, or shutdown (levels 4 or 5) and your capacity is minimal-to-non-existent:
Practice cultivating self-kindness and self-compassion no matter where you're at. Use a soft voice when speaking to yourself and give yourself words of encouragement.
Practice regulating your nervous system through deep breathing, mindfulness of the present moment, and tuning into your senses. If you’re feeling shutdown, you might need strong stimuli to boost you like upbeat music, a cold shower, fragrant aromatherapy, or physical activity.
Request specific support from your treatment team, loved ones, friends, and other support people (e.g., someone to eat a snack with you during a session, someone to go grocery shopping with you).
Make a recovery step smaller and more manageable (with support). For example, if trying to meet your full meal plan for the day feels too overwhelming, try to add one food at breakfast.
When you feel stretched (levels 2 or 3) but there's still some capacity for taking steps forward:
Practice cultivating self-kindness and self-compassion no matter where you're at. Use a soft voice when speaking to yourself and give yourself words of encouragement.
You can challenge yourself to do one moderately difficult thing (e.g., attend a support group, practice a new challenge food).
You can make a small recovery step a bit larger (e.g., practice plating more rice than you have previously).
When you feel comfortable or relaxed (level 1), and your capacity for experimenting/taking steps is high:
You can try a challenging skill on your own. Select a skill that you’ve previously practiced with a support person and try it on your own.
You can partner with your treatment team to experiment with a more challenging or advanced practice/skill.
Take a moment to honor where you're at and reflect on your journey. Give yourself affirmations and words of encouragement.
Make a list of what helped you through stages where your capacity for experimentation and taking steps was low or non-existent. Use this list the next time you feel challenged.