Nurture Notes- April 2019
Me, sometime in the 1980s…..
Personal photo
I recently found this picture of myself at a friend’s birthday party from sometime in the 1980s. Younger Nicole was clearly enjoying herself, eating pizza (I think that’s pizza!), and probably not worrying about her self-worth. A common statement I hear from clients is “I’m not good enough, worthy enough, thin enough, loveable, etc.” Saying “I’m not enough” implies that you believe you are fundamentally flawed, or that you are not “perfect”. Like all humans, I’ve haven’t been immune from having these thoughts, but hearing someone else say them out loud about themselves makes me feel sad. Trying to achieve perfection in any area, whether it is a perfect body, being the perfect parent, creating the perfect work of art, etc. is merely the pursuit of the unattainable. What does perfect mean? Perfectionism is a moving target, not an end point. Constant pursuit of the unattainable can be exhausting and demoralizing. Chasing perfection reinforces the idea that we are never good enough as we are, and disconnects us from the present moment. If you are consumed by worry about losing weight and spending all your time trying to eat the “perfect diet”, you are most likely missing out on moments, experiences, connection with others, etc. An alternative to perfection is being present and acknowledging that we are enough just as we are today- good enough, worthy enough, loveable, etc. Even if you don’t believe you are worthy today, repeating the mantra ‘I am enough” over time can move you in the direction of believing that you are worthy.
Persistent feelings of unworthiness can lead to lack of self-care- “I’m worthless therefore I don’t deserve care, love, nourishment, etc.”. I want to challenge you this month to take one small step in embracing your worthiness. Reclaiming your self-worth is a process; a first step is to identify characteristics that you value about yourself that have nothing to do with your appearance. A worksheet called “Petals of Worth” is included below. Print it out, fill it out, and see how you feel. Consider putting it in a place where you will see it often and adding to it over time. Making the time to sit down and reconnect with yourself is an act of self-care. You are worth the time.
Please reach out to me- I would enjoy connecting with you today!
Here’s to celebrating your awesomeness,
Nicole