Nurture Notes- February 2019
Welcome to Nurture Notes*, a discussion about how to use the principles of Intuitive Eating to nurture your whole self.
Every February, Atlanta’s Eating Disorders Information Network (http://www.myedin.org) hosts “Love Your Body” Month in support of eating disorders awareness. EDIN’s mission is to raise awareness about eating disorders, offer preventative resources, and to connect individuals and families with Atlanta-area (and beyond) treatment options. “Love your Body” month includes activities and events (e.g., talks, fundraisers, yoga classes, etc.) throughout the community that help raise awareness about the deleterious effects of body hatred. We live in a culture obsessed with the pursuit of thinness, which is driven by collective fatphobia. Fearing that we might become fat or that we are fat (which is unacceptable, undesirable, or “unhealthy” in our current culture) leads us to engage in methods to change our body size and shape. Dieting, or other behaviors used to limit calorie intake and/or increase calorie expenditure, is a major risk factor for the development of eating disorders. Starving one’s body of calories and over exercise are not health-promoting or kind practices. “Love your Body” month helps to combat body hatred by offering events that counter the message that we need to change our body size in order to be acceptable, healthy, etc. Health, love, acceptance, etc. can be experienced (or can be absent) at any body size or shape.
The idea of loving one’s body can be foreign, laughable, or unimaginable for many people. If you can’t imagine loving your body, you are not alone. There is a continuum from body hatred to body love, and it’s okay to be wherever you are on the spectrum at any given moment. If the idea of loving your “here and now” body seems unattainable to you, I challenge you to consider how you define the word “love”. Spend some time thinking about what love means to you and how you express love to other beings in your daily life. At minimum, can you acknowledge that you are a human being that deserves care and concern? If body love sounds scary to you, would you consider working towards body neutrality or body respect? Body neutrality is having neutral feelings towards your body- neither hating your body, nor loving your body. Respecting your body means meeting your basic needs including food, hydration, sleep, sex, socialization, leisure, personal safety, etc. to the best of your ability. We can feel neutral about our bodies and respect our bodies by practicing self-care.
Body Neutrality for Beginners
Setting a goal of body neutrality may feel less scary or intimidating than a goal of body love. As a way to move yourself in the direction of body neutrality, start with body respect. An aspect of body respect is gratitude and appreciation for what your body does for you to keep you alive. What does your body accomplish for you? We often spend exorbitant amounts of time (and money) scrutinizing and trying to fix our appearance instead of devoting our time and resources to taking care of the bodies that carry us through life. If the concepts of body neutrality (or body respect) are new to you, start your journey by reflecting on the difference between body aesthetics (how your body looks) and body functionality (what your body does for you on a daily basis). When you notice a negative thought about your body’s appearance (e.g., “my thighs are so gross and flabby”) counter the thought with a positive message about your body’s functionality (e.g., “I am grateful for my legs because they allow me to run around and play with my kids at the playground”). Most of us have no problem pointing out our flaws, but have a difficult time saying something kind about ourselves. With time and practice, you can learn to reframe self-critical thoughts into self-compassionate thoughts. Compassion and love help to bolster self-care practices.
Grateful, but Struggling with Disliking My “Here and Now Body”
Reframing our self-critical thoughts can move us in the direction of body neutrality, but what do you do if you still are having trouble accepting the way your body looks? I hear your concern, and have great compassion for the stage you find yourself in. Accepting your “here and now” body is difficult when we are bombarded by cultural messages that a thin, sculpted, young, able body is the only acceptable body. Although few people fit the narrow beauty standard and many people experience body dissatisfaction, individuals in larger bodies are disproportionally affected by weight stigma (weight bias or discrimination). I would love to wave a magic wand and live in a society where someone’s worth is not based on their size or appearance. Since we are not there yet, let’s talk about some strategies to help you unpack the implicit messages of body hatred that are keeping you stuck:
Journaling
1) When did you first become aware that you disliked your body? What was going on in your life at the time (what age were you, life circumstances, etc.)? What feelings come up as you recall the experience? Who profits from your body dissatisfaction (e.g., the beauty industry, marketers, etc.)?
2) How often do you check out other people’s appearances (e.g., actors, models, friends, strangers, etc.) and compare your appearance to another’s? How does the comparison make you feel?
3) What are the personal qualities that you most appreciate about yourself (that have nothing to do with your appearance)? What values, traits, characteristics, etc. make you unique? How would you feel about shifting your focus back to one of your personal qualities when you find yourself comparing your appearance to someone else’s?
Intentional Exposure to Diverse Bodies
People’s bodies come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and abilities. Be intentional about noticing human diversity around you. If you are out at a café or in an airport, spend some time people-watching. Follow people of diverse sizes and abilities on social media. Notice thoughts that pop up in your head about certain body sizes or shapes. If you have a fear of fatness, what is your fear really about? Why are fat, differently- shaped and/or differently-abled bodies not as acceptable? Start to question yourself as you notice fatphobic thoughts pop up. What biases do you hold about people in larger and/or differently-abled bodies (e.g., slow, lazy, unhealthy)? Consider how you can work toward challenging your biases. The more time you spend exposing yourself to diverse bodies, the more likely you are to see someone’s humanity and inherent worth regardless of their appearance, body size, or ability.
Comfortable Clothing
You deserve to wear clothing that is comfortable and fits your “here and now” body. Wearing clothing that is too loose or too tight doesn’t feel good and can draw your attention away from the present because you are constantly adjusting your clothes or feeling self-conscious. Go through your closet and move the clothes that you love and fit you comfortably to a prominent location. Donate, sell, or give away clothing that makes you feel uncomfortable, sad, depressed, or self-conscious. Replace clothing that doesn’t fit if you have the means to do so. If shopping for new clothes is not economically feasible for you right now, consider clothing swaps with friends, selling old clothing to second-hand stores (many give you credit toward items in the store), or online second-hand clothing companies (e.g., Poshmark or thredUP). You can your sell clothes through online companies and some companies have payment plans if you can’t pay for purchases all at once. If your budget is tight try to replace basic clothing that you get the most use out of (or pieces that are the most versatile).
In a Body Neutral Place
Even if you have reached a point where you describe your relationship with your body as neutral, it is normal (and expected) to look in the mirror somedays and experience negative feelings related to your appearance. We all are exposed to messaging, advertisements, etc. that normalize body hatred and the pursuit of thinness. When you experience negative thoughts about your appearance and/or body, accept that you had the thought and label it as such. For example: You are looking in the mirror and think “Ugh. Does my body really look that dumpy?”. An example of a response back could be: “I’m having a thought that my body looks dumpy.” Just because you had a thought doesn’t mean the thought is accurate/true (it’s a perception). There is power in separating yourself from the thought and letting the thought go. Accepting and letting go of negative thoughts takes time and practice. We will always have negative thoughts pop up in our heads, but we can learn to let them go rather than allowing them to dictate our mood for the day, week, etc.
The last piece I would like to discuss is role-modeling body neutrality for those we interact with regularly. Other people around us hear the words (and sighs) we use about ourselves and others (especially children!!!!). Be the example of someone who doesn’t disparage their body, certain foods, and other people’s bodies. Compliment someone’s admirable traits and characteristics instead of the their body’s appearance. Be aware of your non-verbal language (e.g., grimacing, squeezing the fat on your body) because that “speaks volumes” too.
With Love,
Nicole
*Disclaimer: The information contained in this post is for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical or mental health care.
PS- The National Eating Disorders Awareness Association (NEDA) has an annual National Eating Disorders Awareness Week; this year the dates are February 25 to March 1, 2019. Atlanta is having a NEDA walk on February 24!