Nurture Notes- October 2018

Photo by wokandapix via Canva free photos

Welcome to Nurture Notes*, a discussion about how to use the principles of Intuitive Eating to nurture your whole self.

Making Peace with Food- Part 1

This month I will begin a three-part series on the topic of “Making Peace with Food”. Since Halloween is later this month, I thought I might use Halloween candy as an example of the peacemaking process.

What does making peace with food mean? Making peace with food means that you give yourself unconditional permission to eat foods that you enjoy/foods that satisfy you. Regular eating is a basic human need like water, oxygen, sleep, and warmth. We often put conditions on eating, but not on other basic needs. When eating is conditional or has rules (e.g., “I can only eat XXXX calories per day and no sugar”) deprivation and backlash eating (rebellious overeating or bingeing) usually follow. Backlash eating causes people to experience guilt, shame, and a sense of failure (not to mention feeling uncomfortably full and/or experiencing digestive issues). After backlash eating episodes, most people restart the cycle of food restriction that inevitably leads to more backlash eating. Giving ourselves permission to eat foods we truly enjoy, in an amount that satisfies us, breaks the restrict/binge cycle and increases the likelihood of experiencing food peace.

What foods do you really enjoy eating? Have you thought about this recently (or ever)? Chronic dieters often become disconnected from experiencing pleasure and satisfaction with eating after following impersonal, rigid, and restrictive food plans. Make a list of foods that you like (or think you like) in order to start reconnecting with your taste preferences and desires. Be curious and compassionate with yourself rather than judgmental. Food has no moral value. Foods are neither good nor bad, and you are not good for eating vegetables, and bad for having a dessert. If you truly love fast food burgers or gummy bears or green smoothies, include them on your list.

 Think about why you like the foods you listed.

·         What do you find satisfying about each food item?

·         Are there memories of people and/or events attached to certain foods?

·         Are you currently eating foods you really love? In you're not, why not?

Making peace with food is possible even if you experience food allergies, are diagnosed with certain medical conditions, take medications that interact with foods, have budgetary constraints, or lack access to a variety of foods. Sadness and disappointment are normal feelings to experience when foods are off limits for reasons out of your control. Acknowledge your feelings and give yourself compassion. Unconditional permission to eat means that you eat according to your needs, taste preferences, budget, and lifestyle. Creative modifications may be needed; consider what you might add instead of what you have to take away. The allure of a “forbidden” food is reduced significantly (and often eliminated) when you have unconditional permission to eat foods you enjoy anytime you want.

Back to the Halloween candy. Chocolate is at, or near the top, of the “forbidden” foods list for many people. Forbidding chocolate leads to a sense of deprivation and an urgency to eat chocolate in large volumes. Even the idea that chocolate might be restricted in the future can trigger an episode of out-of-control eating. Here's a typical Halloween candy scenario: One week before Halloween you buy a large bag of candy in anticipation of trick-or-treaters. You hide the candy at the top of your pantry because you are currently following the diet of the moment which has rules about not eating sugar or carbs. Most of your days are spent feeling hungry, lethargic, and grumpy. You are hyperaware that the Halloween candy is in the pantry and preoccupied with thoughts about it, but continue to deny yourself access (deprivation causes preoccupation with food). On Halloween evening you open the bag of candy to put it in a bowl. The smell of the chocolate overwhelms you and you decide that you have been “good” and can have one mini candy bar. Before you know it, the counter around you is littered with wrappers, your stomach hurts, and your critical voice says “you clearly can't control yourself around food; back to the diet tomorrow and you need to work out too.” If you can relate to this scenario, you are not alone. Dieting, food rules, and conditions placed on food lead to out-of-control eating as described in the scenario above.

What if instead of depriving yourself of chocolate, you fed yourself regularly with a variety of foods you enjoy, and gave yourself permission to have chocolate whenever you like? If you don't truly believe that you can eat whatever food you like, the cycle of deprivation and out-of-control eating will continue relentlessly. If you are always allowed to have chocolate, the urgency to have large quantities will dissipate with time and practice.

Here is an experiment to help you make peace with Halloween candy (and any other “forbidden” foods). Don’t attempt this experiment if you are not eating regularly (honoring your hunger), are dieting, are in early recovery from an eating disorder, are currently experiencing negative emotions (e.g., grief, extreme stress, sadness, etc.), or are ravenous. If any of the situations mentioned apply to you, now is not the time to try this experiment.

· Step 1: Go to the store and buy a bag of candy or a candy bar (one type only, not a variety).

· Step 2: Check in with your hunger level. If you are mildly hungry, continue. If you are very hungry or ravenous, stop, and do this an hour or two after a meal.

·Step 3: Start with one piece of candy. Unwrap it. Notice how it looks and smells. Take a bite and chew slowly. Notice how the candy tastes. Does it taste as good as you imagined? What do you like, or dislike, about the taste?

·Step 4: Continue to taste the candy. Stop after every couple of bites to check in. How does the candy taste now? Does the candy taste as good as when you first started eating it? Are you still hungry or starting to get full?

·Step 5: Repeat this process until you feel full and/or no longer wish to eat anymore candy. Check in again. How do you feel physically and emotionally? If you have trouble identifying a certain bodily sensation and/or emotion, think about if you feel positive, negative, or neutral. What is your overall assessment of the candy?

Repeat the experiment as needed. Sometimes people are surprised by the results. Much of the allure is often in the forbidden nature of the food. Eating with attunement, or noticing tastes, smells, sights, and how the food makes you feels changes the eating experience entirely!

What happens if you ate enough candy that you were left feeling stuffed and uncomfortable? Start by giving yourself compassion. Intuitive Eating is a process that takes practice. Struggles are inevitable and are an invitation to explore the experience as a learning opportunity. Approach the situation with curiosity rather than judgment. Were you overly hungry before you started? What was your mood state like? Did you have any thoughts like “I shouldn't be eating this this”? Putting any conditions on the experiment (e.g., “I have to go for a walk after I eat this candy”) is called pseudo-permission (not full permission). What did you learn and what could you do differently next time?

Next month we will continue talking about making peace with food. We will tackle navigating holiday meals and setting loving boundaries with family members about your food choices.

Here’s to nurturing your whole self,

Nicole

P.S. Here is a link to an excellent article in the Huffington Post called “Everything You Know About Obesity is Wrong.” https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/

*Disclaimer: The information contained in this post is for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical or mental health care.