How Do I Find Motivation When I'm Exhausted and Overwhelmed?
#Goals
Ah, January…. the time of the year with the most pressure to set and achieve goals. All of the pressure and toxic positivity can make us feel “less than” when we’re tired from more than two years of living through a global pandemic, generally burnt out, grieving, stressed, and so on.
It’s NORMAL to lack motivation at times like these. The energy that is required to take action just isn’t there when we feel exhausted and overwhelmed. This is especially true when you’re healing from an eating disorder, disordered eating, chronic dieting, or body image issues. Our brains can’t rewire when they’re emotionally flooded, and this makes taking steps forward difficult (at best) to near impossible on the toughest days.
So how do we move forward with life and recovery when we lack motivation and feel exhausted? First things first:
Acknowledge how you’re feeling right now, because it’s okay. It’s normal and human of us to have times where we feel tired, stressed, and unmotivated.
Carve out time for yourself to take stock of where you’re at and to prioritize the things in your life, and recovery, which are most pressing at the moment.
What is Motivation?
When we’re feeling unmotivated it’s helpful to understand what motivation is and how it functions in our lives. Motivation is the energy required to take action. There are two types of motivation: controlled (or external) motivation and autonomous (or self-directed) motivation.
Controlled or external motivation comes from outside forces that can be positive or punitive (e.g., work deadlines, bonuses, or threat of a job loss) and inner forces (e.g., internal “sticks and carrots” like guilt or people pleasing). External motivation is performative (e.g., “I’m doing this because I have to, not because I want to”). Here are some examples:
Leaving early to get to work on time in order to avoid being fired
Attending your second cousin’s wedding to appease your parents
Buying your child a toy because you “felt bad” for yelling at them earlier in the day
The reality is that we all have varying degrees of controlled/external motivation in our lives. We might not want to go to work, but we do because we need money and don’t want to be fired! We may attend events we don’t want to because it makes someone else in our lives happy or because it prevents uncomfortable conversations. That’s life!!! The difficulty with external motivation is that it’s challenging to be motivated long-term when you’re not in charge.
That brings us to the second type of motivation, autonomous or self-directed motivation. Autonomous, or self-directed motivation, comes from internal forces such as a natural affinity for the task at hand, or because you appreciate why doing something is worthwhile. Autonomous motivation is often value-oriented (as opposed to being performative). Here are some examples:
Eating your morning snack because it will further recovery from your eating disorder
Volunteering for an animal rescue organization because you believe strongly in the cause
Setting a boundary with a family member about harmful diet talk
When we must ‘adult’
As I said above, we often have to do the “stuff of life” even when we’d rather not. I invite you to take a look at the sources of controlled/external motivation in your life and ask yourself the following questions:
Are there some boundaries that I can put in place to balance my work/life satisfaction and meet my self-care needs?
Is there anything that I’m currently doing for others that they could be doing for themselves?
Are there any uncomfortable conversations I need to have in order to let go of guilt or people pleasing?
Tips for taking charge
Find your why- Have you sat down and considered what you value most and why? Values are the answer to the question- “If I could choose to have my life be about something, what would I choose?” Here is a link to a list of core values. Which values are the most important to you, and why?
Basic needs- Make sure your basic needs are met. Are you eating consistently? Hydrating? Getting enough sleep? Wearing comfortable clothing? Getting your sexual needs met? Having enough alone time? Resting when needed? Finding time for leisure activities and movement? If you’re having difficulty finding the motivation to meet your basic needs, read on for more tips!!
Small, well-timed rewards- If you’re lacking the motivation to complete a particular task, pair the task with something pleasant that you love (e.g., tea in your favorite mug, listening to a podcast, etc.). Here’s a story to illustrate the benefits of small, well-timed rewards: A client of mine (she/her) was struggling to find the motivation to make and eat breakfast every morning even though doing this gave her more energy for her day. We strategized doing something pleasurable while preparing and eating breakfast to give her the motivation. She settled on creating a playlist of her favorite music. A few days later she texted to let me know how beneficial this was and that she was eating (and enjoying) her breakfast.
Social connection- Finding a sense of purpose through community can be a powerful motivator for change. Who can you connect with that would inspire and support you? Do you have a friend or loved one who will go on a walk with you? Have you considered joining a Facebook group, a support group, or an anti-diet community*?
Self-compassion- We could all be a little gentler and kinder to ourselves. Treating ourselves like we would treat a dear friend or a loved one is empowering. It’s tough to take steps forward when we’re critical and mean to ourselves!
Notes
*Use my coupon code intuitiveeatingnurse when you sign-up for the UnDiet Your Mind app to receive 50% off your first month OR $5 off the annual fee!
Inspiration for this post was from Cameron Walker’s July 2021 article in the New York Times “How to get things done when you don’t want to do anything.”
Image by Austin Chan (@austinchan) via Unsplash